i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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