you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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