im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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