Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
