You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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