so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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