Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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