I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
