its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
