I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
