my phone needs a breathalizer
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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