Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
