I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
