My liver just broke up with me...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
