my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
no, he came in my armpit
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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