i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
