Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
