never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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