I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
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I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
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She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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