I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
