guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
