I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
