Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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