Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize