this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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