your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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