Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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