Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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