Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize