i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
