I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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