My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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