Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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