You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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