Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
