My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
