I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
