How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
