remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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