woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
