it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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