wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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