goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
