Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
