You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
