I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
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I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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