I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i've created a new STD.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
