Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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