drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
