it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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