I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
