So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Alive.
So much puke
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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