Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
