I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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