Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
