What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
