these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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