Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
