I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
