I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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