The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
