Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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